Entreat me not to leave you or to turn back from following after you or wherever you go, I will go and wherever you lodge, I will lodge, your people shall be my people and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die and there will I be buried. Ruth 1.16,17
Ruth’s commitment to Naomi provides a template for some lifelong relationships. These women weren’t getting married to each other, but prospective couples can learn a thing or two from their commitment to each other. Naomi was distraught after losing her husband and two sons. She picked up the pieces of whatever was left of her life and made the arduous journey back to Bethlehem.
Ruth wasn’t in a better situation as she was also grieving the loss of her husband, father-in-law, and brother-in-law, but she held on to Naomi rather than returning to her family in Moab. Naomi had convinced Ruth and Orpah to return to their families, but Ruth was looking forward to a new beginning, a new season of sorts in a new country with a new God. Was Ruth too clingy? Was she worried about Naomi as much as for her own future? What had Naomi said or done that convinced Ruth to go with her?
Naomi was bitter, empty, and grieving, but she still had something that was attractive to Ruth. And many times we assume that in our sorrow or despair, we have nothing else to offer to anyone, but we have no clue how much hope and healing God can use you to offer to others who are also in a worse situation. Naomi hoped that Ruth returning to her family would be better for her, but Ruth knew that wasn’t an option. May our lives encourage and challenge others to follow the Lord.
While Naomi thought she could return to Israel on her own, God knew she needed Ruth as she settled in and rebuilt her life. Could we be walking by or sending away or acting strangely towards the people God sends to us? God, who knows the end from the beginning and sees ahead into our future, knows He never made us to live in isolation but to thrive in teams and communities, even though we think we don’t need them. Ruth’s perseverance is an encouraging reminder to keep praying and doing all you can to support those under our care, whether it’s acknowledged or appreciated.
Ruth was prepared to live anywhere and put up with any situation as long as she was with Naomi. When women were seen but not heard, when women had neither income nor inheritance, Ruth wasn’t looking forward to any luxury or wealth when Naomi returned to Bethlehem. In fact, there had been a long famine, and everyone was just getting by and trying to move on. But Ruth gave Naomi her wholehearted commitment. By faith, Ruth followed Naomi, trusting to see God’s hand at work every step of the way.
There are few prospective couples who will walk with God by faith. Many have a laundry list of things they expect their spouse to possess or become before they sign on the dotted line. And many couples have been sorely disappointed to find out that the diamond rings, the lavish wedding celebrations and the honeymoons out in the Caribbean are not synonymous with a great marriage. Sadly, couples often drift apart after promising each other to ‘go together and stay together’.
Why did Ruth hold on to Naomi? What was her purpose in staying on and making a commitment to go wherever, even when the conditions were not the best or her safety and prosperity weren’t guaranteed? And when couples have no clue for what purpose God has allowed them to get married to each other, staying married will soon become humdrum, exhausting, and frustrating. After the guests at the wedding celebrations have said their goodbyes, and the couple have returned from their honeymoon, and the babies are cooing in their cots, what else are couples waking up daily to pursue together?
Naomi knew where she was going. Her destination was Bethlehem. And it wasn’t difficult for Ruth to latch onto a vision. Sadly, many spouses are stuck with partners who have no clue why they are here on earth nor know where they should be heading. And while the enemy continues to keep couples busy fighting about unimportant and irrelevant issues, the state of their relationship is often a reflection of a lack of vision and purpose. It’s often difficult to take someone somewhere they have absolutely no personal desire to go to.
Ruth was under no obligation to go with Naomi; it was her personal, intentional, and voluntary decision. When we get married because our pastors, peers, or parents have said we should, it won’t be long before we abandon that relationship. When couples get married because their spouse has paid their tuition or built a house for their parents or promised them something wonderful, they will soon feel stuck in relationship, trying to repay a loan of a lifetime. Only the pursuit of a higher purpose will keep a marriage focused.
Ruth was relinquishing her rights as a citizen of Moab and professing a new citizenship, to be a part of God’s people. She had never met them, never learnt the laws of God, and had no relationship with the God of Israel yet, but she pledged her allegiance to Him. What blind faith! And God rewards those who diligently seek him. God said to Eli, ‘they that honour me, I will honour’. And what great honour God lavished on a foreign widow who put Him first.
And when couples get married, it’s assumed that they will adopt and embrace their new families. Sadly, this doesn’t always happen because of several reasons. Beyond adopting and embracing the people of Israel, Ruth was making a commitment to adopt their values. She wasn’t only moving to Bethlehem, but she would follow the laws and commands of God. Sadly, many are stuck with partners who don’t share their values; they got married into families whose lifestyle and culture are opposed to God’s.
Paul reminds us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. We should be careful and think twice before committing to spend the rest of our lives with someone who professes to be a believer but whose life does not align with God’s word. An example of an unequal yoke in a marriage can be seen when one spouse refuses to grow up, is unwilling to be committed to the relationship, while one spouse is intentional about their personal growth, the other wallows in laziness and mediocrity.
Ruth wasn’t only looking for a new lease on life; she was committed to an ongoing relationship with Naomi’s God. Beware of suitors who are attracted to who you are or and attached to what you have but are the least interested in pursuing the God you serve. Many have been hoodwinked at night vigils and choir rehearsals as they assumed that regular attendance at church events was synonymous with a relationship with God. Many put their best foot forward until their goal is achieved.
And no couple gets it all right from the start but if they will acknowledge that they are imperfect and make a daily commitment to grow closer to the Lord and to each other, the chances are slim that their relationship will be available to the enemy as they continue to fight for their marriage together. Ruth wasn’t the perfect person we’ve all come to believe she was, but she had a humble and teachable heart God could use. And when couples are bereft of humility, are unwilling to unlearn and disconnect from the dysfunction they’ve always known, what nightmare awaits their relationship.
Ruth was pessimistic and clingy here, as she was quite comfortable with the discussion of very morbid topics as she tried to convince Naomi about her decision and commitment to cling to her irrespective of wherever she went and whatever happened. But her lifelong commitment to Naomi is admirable and sets an example for couples who get married for only what they can get, to achieve their selfish motives and are not necessarily in it for the long haul.
God expects couples will stay faithful to each other until He returns or calls them home. Sadly, this is also not the case with the alarming rate of divorce. And many of those who still share the same last name and address aren’t in a better situation than those who have packed up and left. These couples feel depressed and despairing, wishing their pain would subside upon their spouses’ deaths, and they rejoice thankfully that eternal marriages won’t exist.
Not only does Ruth make a commitment to Naomi, but she invites the Lord as a witness to this pact. I can imagine that there were times they didn’t get along or Ruth wished she had never come to Bethlehem but I would think that Ruth always reminded herself that the Lord was a part of their unique relationship and so she kept her part of the agreement. What a difference that would make in marriages if couples both acknowledged the presence and purpose of God in their relationships.
But many times, when marriages are crumbling and couples are torn apart, one, or both spouses might be disconnected from God. And while they continue in vain to fix the symptoms of a broken relationship, the root cause of hearts that are disconnected from God remains unaddressed. Ruth reminds us to put God first and keep Him at the centre of our relationships. Someone has said ‘If you want an awful marriage, put yourself first; if you want a good marriage, put your spouse first, but if desire a great marriage, put God first’.